Absence makes the heart go mental
by teggers
Summary: When Kai insists on going away by himself to settle business, Rei is left wondering what it might all mean.


_A/N: Hello hello. First of all, to people who were waiting on me to update/publish (especially Indigo Oblivion): ohhh my godd, I am a liar and a horrible person, I did not mean to keep you waiting so long! I still haven't done much, writing-wise, but I wrote this stand-alone chapter a while ago and never got round to posting it. Ta-da! Am I forgiven? I am asking now so that you will say yes before reading the story and actually deciding that it's turd. _

He doesn't close his eyes when I kiss him.

Sorry. Sorry. That was a bit direct wasn't it? Probably too direct as an introduction. It's just I can't stop thinking about it. "Rei, that's a very strange thing to be worried about", you might say. Sure it is. You are quite right, O imaginary voice in my head who I talk to when I have no-one to talk to (and who I very much hope isn't a symptom of insanity). What I forget, too, is just how far he has come. When you think about that, it's a teeny tiny miniscule thing to be preoccupied with. For instance; you think back to how he was a couple of years ago. For god's sake, he didn't even like being in the same room as other people, let alone talk to us. He used to only have one expression, and that was an oxymoron because it was an expressionless expression. You think about that, and you think about now. Now, before he leaves, he'll always give me a kiss. Even in the mornings when I'm pretending to be asleep. Or if I'm standing in the kitchen figuring out what to cook he'll wander up and just hug me.

In the context of all that, the eyes thing isn't such a big deal. Or it shouldn't be. Maybe he never learnt kissing etiquette. He didn't have the most normal upbringing, so you can begrudge him a little weirdness. But there's other things. Other small things. Like, even when the others are away, he'll lock the bedroom door before coming to bed. And he says 'love you', not 'I love you'. At this point you'll be shaking my shoulders and slapping me, going "He's saying the L-word and you're focusing on THAT?!". It's true. What kind of person am I, to care about that when he's made such huge steps?

I guess what I'm really worried about is that he doesn't feel totally relaxed. Like maybe he still can't slip up and be vulnerable in front of me. Do you think I'm reading too much into it? Even if it's true, that's still kind of selfish of me, right? He's allowed to want to be in control with what he's been through. But then it could be nothing to do with all that, and then- aaarrrgh! Going round in circles!

Rei banged his head on the table. It was meant to knock all the silly thoughts away, but instead it just gave him a headache. A headache on top of his headache. The tabletop felt cool against his thumping forehead as he lay on it now, fingers buried in the mess of black hair, glad nobody was around to witness this moment of spectacularly poor judgement.

"Did you just... bang your face into the table?"

Damn. Daaaaaaamn. Kenny was home. Of course he was.

"...Yep."

"Oh." Rei could sense him lingering in the doorway of the kitchen, apparently unwilling to just accept this answer. "...Are you going to do it again?"

"No, it kind of hurt."

"Are you ok?"

"I'll live. It wasn't that hard, anyway."

"Um, good. But I meant are you ok in terms of whatever it was that made you want to bang your face?"

Rei lifted his head and smiled. "Sure, Chief. Just a little bummed I guess. What's up?"

Reassured, Kenny likewise brightened. "I heard your phone beeping upstairs and thought you might have forgotten it, so I brought it down." He handed over the slim black cellphone. "Not expecting Kai to call tonight?"

"No, we spoke earlier."

"Aha. Where will he be now?"

Rei sighed. He knew exactly where. After all, he'd only been thinking about it all day. "Well he settled everything with the lawyer in Kyoto this morning and his flight to Moscow isn't until tomorrow, so he said he was going to drop by the BBA head office."

"Ooh, what a coincidence!" Kenny exclaimed, "You know Tyson will be there too today! Organising a bit of promotional material for the up-coming tournament with Mr Dickenson. He rang earlier; bored I expect. Wouldn't it be funny if they ran into each other?"

And sure enough, when Rei checked his phone there was a single message from Tyson:

Saw ur boyfriend – U didnt

say he was coming! I think he

misses u, he looked all sad and

lonely :-P

Barely four lines of text, and yet it was enough to flip Rei's imagination into overdrive. He wished Tyson hadn't used that exact phrasing. In his mind's eye Rei could see Kai alone in the big city, quietly getting on with all the horrible business without complaint, and with no sign of the trouble it must be causing him inside. Perhaps when he saw Tyson he would attempt a small smile (something he was trying to practice with Rei's gentle encouragement, though he still never quite looked at his ease) to acknowledge the absurdity of meeting your housemate unexpectedly so far from home. But it wouldn't touch his weary eyes. Rei's stomach knotted fretfully at the image he'd just painted.

Stop it, he berated. He's not some lost kid, he'll be fine. But not for the first time that evening (not even the fifth or sixth), Rei wished he could know for sure. This forced separation was killing him. Sitting at home, useless, twiddling his thumbs for days on end while Kai went off to settle his grandfather's estates. The twisted old man's final curse was apparently one of malicious paperwork, spanning two continents and requiring countless legal busybodies to be met in person, battled and overcome. It was purposefully complicated (certainly Rei couldn't understand, and nor did he think it possible that any one human could). But Kai said it needed to be sorted, so he had accepted it. He just wished he hadn't insisted on doing it all by himself.

The reversion back to lone wolf had set all kinds of alarms ringing. Hence why on a Friday night, while Max and Kenny watched a film upstairs, the neko-jin was driven to the kitchen to be alone with his insecurities. The end result of which was a bruised head and a dozen conflicting thoughts. Rei just wanted his boyfriend back, safe, and happy.


End file.
